• Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street and one says to the other
  "Oh my God, I think I've just lost an electron!"
  The second atoms says "Are you sure?", to which the first replies "Yes, I'm positive".

• A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?"
  The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

• What happens when you get a polar bear wet?
  It dissolves.

• What do you pay a policeman working the nightshift?
  Copper Nitrate

• What do you pay a policeman who works on the vice squad?
  Copper Tartrate

• A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
  "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium.
  The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".

• Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
  The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going?"
  Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

• What do dipoles say in passing?
  - Have you got a moment?

• Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
  - Because it's in the ground state.

• What do you do with a dead chemist?
  - Barium

• What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
  - A KNiFe.

• Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
  - They're cheaper than day rates.

• What happens when electrons lose their energy?
  - They get Bohr'd.

• What did one titration tell the other?
  - Let's meet at the endpoint.

• Why are chemists great for solving problems?
  - They have all the solutions.

• Do you know what happened to the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
  - He just couldn't put it down.

• A florence flask was getting dressed for the opera.
  All of a sudden she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!".
  The husband replied: "Take it easy honey, do not overreact. We'll find a solution".

• Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
  - Because it's basic stuff.

• What is a cation afraid of?
  - A dogion.

  
  
  
  

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